Friday, February 24, 2006
i'll get a much needed good sleep later. long and deep, until tomorrow.
until then, i will do my DP material and have some QT. i need some refreshing, and its bad that i only do QT at the end of the week. great negative example of running on my own strength. its physically draining and theres a spiritual dryness to it too. and at this point, i feel inadequate all over again. both in leading the ycomm and being a DP leader. i don't even make the time to phone my girls, i don't fulfil the duty of pres till comm meetings and weekends. not that it's supposed to be duty in the first place. or is it becoming that? i'm not even clear myself. i want to re-find that joy and willingness in serving. where's pushing for the vision for the year ,where's doing something so revival can happen in YM. the only prayers i say are haphazard ones. ones that i'll dwell on for only a minute, then lose my attention to something else. inertia in a way, i know i must move out of the pit but i refuse to budge just because i place other things before God.
linking to this. i think school is draining everyone. please let me know if anyone disagrees but i would think that most people feel this way. one week comes, one week goes. many tests and tutorials come, they go, but only if you could make them. but before they go, others would come in. they overlap, wheres the focus supposed to be? you wish for a short little break, theres none. the only breaks you have are those called "break" and "lunch", where you're supposed to eat and fill yourself up. and for some people, breaks for a subject dropped. so if theres something to be done but you're just so tired, you end up sleeping during those breaks, (which happens to me) and then wake up to realise that your task is glaring at you. its not like i like to sleep so much. sleeping was never a huge part of me until the past few years. its especially bad this year because i have to stay up to do my work. it's not like i love to start on work late, its not like i love keeping late nights, sleeping at 2am, then get sick ever so often. and i find myself dozing off on a few-hourly basis. its either in lectures (esp chem nowadays) or on the bus (all the time). everyday without fail, i doze off on 88.
then theres the part about consumption. we had a mini discussion today about eating in general, over ponned bio lecture. i think i belong to the unhealthy-eating part of the population. as much as i would like to keep away from junk food and have proper meals and food, theres the junkfood side of me who wants chocolates, biscuits, candy, junkjunkjunk. half the time i give in. most of the time the craving is for chocolate. this is one thing you can't stop me on. to me, chocolate is worth it if it's satisfying, rich and delish. :) i don't dislike fast food, but i promised myself to keep off those because their fat content is horribly high. so i'm disgusted. but i don't like fizzy drinks. i don't really fancy the fizzy part of them. i rather juices and those tea stuff.
- but i do have the bad habit of finding something to munch when i'm bored, doing homework, studying, watching tv.
- bad habit also, of eating more at night. because i stay up late, i eat more than i should at late hours.
- and the "its ok to have greedy days once in a while" mindset. and then the greedy days turn into most of the days.
- and i'm too lazy and tired to get out for exercise. so my only form of exercise would be PE, and walking to bedok and home everyday if that counts.
- i actually resolved to cutting the junk, meals instead of small bits here and there, which i think will amount to more calories actually. unsuccessful. cos i get hungry more easily. hungry in the sense (refer to point 1.)
ok, off this topic, the week of SPA is over. chem spa is over finally and i'm sure glad it went alright. spent my whole day memorising ok. :/ bio mocks were alright too. math test was horrendous. math papers shouldn't be done by a sleepy brain. im not going to make any excuses. but i have done my tutorials, it gets irritating when i actually know whats going on, but when it comes down to tests, finding myself unable to do those questions. so wheres the loophole here, me not fully understanding or not having enough practice. the latter?
i dont want to harp on this but i regret not putting in effort last year. i need retail therapy now too. haha. haven't had that in a long time and my shopping list is getting longer. shopping day please!
