my results are shittyyy. i hope it picks up from here for real. i haven't been doing much the past few days cept reading the newspaper and it's so hard to clear the backlog i can just fall asleep reading. it sucks doing something you don't really want to do but have to (because GP requires so). my grades have improved from worst to slightly better than worst, so, for that i don't know if i should rejoice or be :( whats a 10 mark improvement when my final mark is still below 50. ok in JC getting 50 is a big thing already, asides from those freaks who get 80 for every single subject. yes it is pressurising when you're surrounded by ABCs when all i can manage is a OED (wow thank God i don't have an F i hope i don't land an F for bio because the sections we've got back so far aren't promising at all. to think i've liked bio for a few years already i now take that back and renounce all positive things i've said about bio IT'S NOT TRUE)

ok i'm in the bottom of the cohort i'm one of the students TJ would wish she never had because i'm pulling your avg down hohoho. ok people, you have people like me to thank for pulling the normal distribution/bell curve more to the left. this was the worst decision i've ever made in my life, ie. coming to JC. i'm probably decreasing my lifespan by years by exposing myself to all these stress and pressure. and it doesnt help that i have to face the tutors who invest time into remedials and i can only go so far. i will go further i promise. i'm really trying not to have too negative an attitude. ok cheryl think positive... +++++++++++++

i'm doing alot of psyching these days. first i have to psyche myself into not falling into madness/depression over my stinking results. then i have to psyche myself into not snacking/eating unneccessarily. speaking of which i just went to the gym today and went jogging on tuesday aft sch this is the start of our great mission! it takes me a great deal of effort to exercise and cut cutcut the food (especially after the prelims period where my life was pretty much sedentary and walking=exercise) but so far its been quite alright i'm starting to think that i can do both at once. i've always thought studying hard and getting into shape can never go hand in hand. now i know it just takes a little more determination and TADAHHH.

my parents are really encouraging they really do look on the bright side and tell me , hey you've improved. but at the same time it translates into a tinge of guilt in me it makes me feel even worse because i know i'm capable of much better and they know that but i'm still stuck here in this horrible rut of mine i don't know why. and they tell me that passing A levels is good enough but here i am motivating myself with TRIPLE A (yes eyin, AAA vandalised on the canteen pillar) reach for the moon even if you miss you'll land among the stars. lets hope my stars are no worse than B. Cs are really ugly on the certificate. i still think this is the most trying period of my life i've never felt that stupid before in PL. i say we were really sheltered and maybe the atmosphere there was more lively and most of the time you didn't have to pit yourself against the cream of the crop (this makes me think of cream corn for some odd reason)

ok i shouldn't be talking so much and i should be studying.i suspect i have chronic fatigue syndrome. maybe a slight one. hurhurhuhr ok sleep is good. what i need now is tremendous amounts of motivation.

pictures of food, go here: http://chocolateblog-.blogspot.com/2006/09/dim-sum-muffins-and-fruits.html

WOOHOOO SONY CYBERSHOT T-10 BABEHHH , in pink!

mineee ! hahah its a nicer pink my old camera just can't capture it properly. (sighhhh)

next stop, VAIO!

went out shopping with my mom today. this marks the end of my shopping life its back to school and books come tuesday. i've not had enough fun yet! :( went sampling mooncakes too, at taka. all mooncakes taste the same to me. the only difference is traditional skin and snowskin. i'm not really that into mooncakes anyway just that i like the snowskin. but those durian ones are good.

ewww a bit of my skin peeling now. aiya i've got loser skin what to do. first my eyelids are puffy (and they still are i wore shades around orchard to cover up, lol) now i'm peeling skin off my nose and who knows what else. i don't know how to face the world tomorrowwwww.

me and jas. from yesterday arab st 'expedition'.

the one and only picture i managed to take on friday. sentosa!

woot i just made my necklace. but i think i'll add on a few beads here and there later. for now, here's the oriental chingchingching necklace.



oh shucks by eyelids are swollen. i think its because of yesterday's heat. the horrible aftereffects of going under the sun for too long. yup my cheeks and nose is still pink from that. i lie under the sun for 15 mins only! :/ oh and i can still feel the heat coming out of me. i should occupy myself. when i'm occupied i don't get hungry. my poor stomach didn't growl at all ytd from 6+am to 3+pm.

went to bugis today and spent money. yes spent my precious money. i realised something about myself. when i painstakingly save my own money, i tend to limit myself alot in terms of spending. when i go out shopping with my mom it's unlimited although i still feel bad because my mom doesn't get anything although i know she would like to. it all stems from 'feeling the pinch'. (i saved 200+ over the past 2 or 3 months i'm so proud of myself!) at the end of this i'll be down to 100 or so. then i start saving again for after As mega spending.

i want to get a casual dress. i want a prom dress too. but what i want isn't really an evening gown-like dress, that's too elaborate. i want a simple satin empire waist ribbon tie dress. yes satin would be nice. and i would like the colours to be a light turquoise blue and lime green. like the colours of my old sec 3/4 school bag. i don't know if going to the tailor would work out i scared turn out not nice.

anyway speaking of dresses, i was talking about wanting some occasion to rewear my sec 4 prom dress cos it's now sitting in my wardrobe doing nothing, and i have this fantastic idea of making it look nicer by tying my silver sash around the waist to make it a 'waist sash tie whatever you call it' dress. then i came home and saw a wedding invitation on the table. ahahh my cousin's wedding invite. anyway its amazing how my little haphazard 'made while engaging in casual conversation' wishes are granted. thank you my fairyGODmother!

ok i've deviated from my account of today's shopping. we went down to Gas Haus for the sgst flee! flea market. didnt get anything there because i didn't really fancy anything plus they didnt have alot of stalls. one day we'll go share a lime flea market stall. next we tried to find our way to arab st, and also around it. complicated little streets there. but we got a whole lot of charms and waisted belts and chains. i'm going to make one later i still have a whole box of tiny beads and thin wire and nylon fishing line and clasp from my secondary school days. girls we havent taken a group photo if you realised!

ok i'm going shopping again tomorrow. this is like releasing the stopper from a pressured tube. and i'll probably be getting my new camera tomorrow too! :D i declare my old faithful maximally used, it has served me well for almost FOUR YEARS! (hey i'm quite a spendthrift when it comes to these. my handphone has been with me for a long time too)

yay for real!
the prelims are finally over and i'm very excited about the weekend of fun i'm going to have
i kick-started that today by going to sentosa with the class. oh i think its the first real class bonding we ever had and it was great fun although we didn't do much. mainly just chatting, playing ball games, tanning for a bit. but i enjoyed the company and the sense of relief and true relaxation (guilt free!) pictures later when i get people to send to me. my camera is old and spoilt it couldn't manage pictures in sunlight its still ok indoors. urgency to get a new one.

on the other hand, here's something blogworthy. there was this horrible woman whom we asked to help us take a group photo. not only did she reject us, it wasn't polite, and she made it worse by turning to spit on the ground in our direction. ?! then she got on the same tram and sat back facing us, she turned around and all the vulgarities spilled out, inclusive of the finger. ok honestly i've never come across such a person in my life i think shes a little mental, don't you?

i'm so excited!!! sgst flee! flea market tomorrow and arab st with the girls, then shopping on sunday, dimsum buffet and baking and movie-watching on monday! :) :) :)

finally! last prelim paper tomorrow! :D after which we're going to have a class outing to sentosa. not really a good time to go to the beaches of sentosa where skinny toned and tanned people are walking around. and we'll be this bunch of unexercised fatty flab pale girls. ok not everyone, mainly speaking for myself. but, sunshine here i come, i've been cooped up far too long! :) hahha.

:D chocolates ! my weak spot. i finished almost all already. in 3-4 days. there are very few pieces in each box but thats not the point.

its a spider and if you take a look at the actual photo you can see that the body has the metallic mercury-like(you know the mix of metallic green and red etc) colour. the actually the legs are white. cool huh! you must know that i usually do not even dare go near insects but this was on my table and the colour was so nice. i put it in the test tube for a while then emptied it onto my dad's pot of plant.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=ODBPZZQ52I4

for stress busting. :)

i have a dream.

nope, i have many dreams. in the span of a night, i can have a couple of dreams, different settings, different people. so what i remember from last night's was, we were in school i suppose, around the audi area. then we went into the toilet and the toilet was all high ceiling-ed and grand, with circular curve/bend feeling to it. the lights were yellow spotlight lights, those you'd see in hotel toilets. the toilet bowls were, erm, flat. flat as in flat surfaced not toilet bowl hole (crap i don't know how that would work) ok i guess it's the influence of living in a "high-tech era"

i can't remember much of other dreams but there was one night i think i dreamt about being on the mrt with the kayak gang. it was a northsouth or eastwest line, not the NEL. lol i guess we haven't been hanging out for a long time!

and after sunday's meeting i came home and accidentally fell asleep while taking a study break (no i just dozed off really) and i dreamt about a break during meeting, of comm members hanging out in some room (probably the youth room).

hahah so that's it for my dreams. i think my memory's getting better, since i can roughly remember my weird nonsensical dreams now.

i've decided that i should go trim my hair after my prelims.
i'm going to cut my fringe. yupyup.

er no i take that back. i just remembered that i can trim my own fringe. that money shall be credited to the 'buy a prom dress' fund. i have in mind what i want but i can't find it. can't find it online so far, at least. and i haven't been to town in a really long time. i'm really quite outdated already. :/

ok back to studying, now!

woooooo! i just endured one week of gruelling papers and i should start cheering even though the papers were tough and i won't do well. at least i survived one week of continuous cramming and examinations. yay for everybody! 2 more mcq papers, one more structured question paper, NO MORE ESSAAAYYSS. one more week before i go into full-out enjoyment for one weekend. no actually it's 4 days.

my prelims are so messed up.
firstly, i don't think i know how to organise my time. therefore in today's case, i left 12 marks of stats blank.

which brings me to bitch about the stats questions. i thought i could count(punny pun pun) on stats to bring up my paper 1 marks, but NO, no way will the tj math department let us get away with normal questions. there were 1, 2.. no..3 extraordinarily difficult questions, of which one was unsolvable (because the top scorer in our class cannot solve it either) and the other took up so much time but still didn't lead to an answer (i wasted alot of time trying to figure those two questions) and the rest were just a jumbled mess of writings which i don't wish to recall. why can't the stats questions be more along the line of ordinary like those in the prelim rev pack or even the tj 2005 prelim paper. i think i left 30+ marks blank for each paper. yup marvellous aren't i?

i think i'm going to fail my math. again. whyyyyy why can't i get a decent pass. it's just math for goodness sake. what's wrong with me.?! ?! it's not like i didn't practice. i did practice my math i was doing the prelim revision package, i attended remedial faithfully... and after all the effort, it's not worth it.

and chem i can't quite remember but it wasn't good either. at least i still have a paper 2 and mcq to go. well at least i know i won't be getting a meagre 20+ marks like in jcts.

and the bio paper... sighh i'm getting lazy to whine about everything. no good i'm going to chiong option paper for tomorrow.

and i thought maybe this time i could get Bs or Cs at least. :/ nope i doubt so.i'm not the case of 'did badly from j1 till now, study hard, ace the prelims' i wonder if i can even get an A for a levels. it's very demoralising when you know you've studied much more but still cannot get good grades, makes me feel kinda, well, not as bright. i know this is where people will say that i shouldn't be saying that to discourage myself or something. sigh i wish i was rich then maybe i can be a socialite like paris hilton and have no such exam woes.

exams are so trying and draining that if i went bankrupt in the future, i'll probably be thinking back and realising bankruptcy is no big deal. how like that i know i'm stuck in singapore i'm not going to try applying for any overseas uni thats not within my reach i'll just stay here but i still need A grades.

from a mini daily devotion calendar thing above the monitor, september 14th's verse reads, "for i know the plans i have for you, says the Lord. they are plans for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." jeremiah 29:11.
it's a everyone's 'encouragement verse' but at times like this, it's meaning is suddenly magnified.

helloo you won't hear from me for a week unless i have to bitch about a paper so.. anyway i shall reply tagboard msgs here too. thanks all you swetttieees for the thoughtfulness.

anyway al i don't eat that much don't make me sound like a spherical ball of fat. well at least i don't think so and i'm not spherical yet. i do study out half the time which is of course better because then i don't have unlimited access to food. but i must say that exam makes one >ugly. eew and my complexion's also paying a price. :( ok this is terrible. i need a 'wellness' treatment lol.

after prelims go shopping one whole day, go gymmimg one day, and sometime we MUST GO CLIMBING you cg 29 girls! hahah we've been postponing that for the longest time. 22nd 23rd 24th, then after that it's back to studying.

i was listening to radio a couple days back the jokers were talking about some english name stuff "even the famous chinese leader had an english name" (referring to mao zedong). "mickey. mickey mao"
ok actually i found that stupidly funny and it left me laughing for a good minute or so.

five for fighting's new song's not bad :)
and snow patrol!
bye

i'm at home
i'm tired
i'm doing stats which is taking a long time
i have alot of bio to memorise
i have alot of chem to sort out and organise
i need to do my chem tys, chem paper, math paper, bio tys
i like ski's 'honeybuzz' flavour yoghurt
i think my prelims aren't going to be good so local uni here i come
i'll just aim for A's, prelims is just stepping stone. yep.

my life is so boring now. :(
and because i get so bored studying and trying to think of answers, i find food, which then makes me a 'walking glutton'. study, think, walk to kitchen, feed hamster, sit back down, do a question, change food...
studying brings out the glutton in us. i wonder how some people manage to get so stressed they lose weight during exam periods. i'm going to start my daily exercise regime after my exams. as our health campaigns go, '30mins a day, 5 days a week'. i'm going to do that, or more, to compensate for my very sedentary life now. it's a disgusting feeling if you know what i mean.

i'm one week away and i am unprepared. have been revising but can't cover fast enough and i only purchased two papers from "zap". one is chem the other math. compared to the huge stack of prelim papers in sec4, wait let me find the picture.

measured about 6.5cm. but now i have a very humble 2 sets of papers plus the math prelim revision set to supplement. i dare not lay my hands on a rjc or hcjc paper or any top 4 jc paper. get past my tj papers first. i officially have 6 more days to plough through much information, stuff them in my memory bank. and why do i have that 'repeat of jct' feeling about this?
my organic chem is still very disorganised, alcohol reacts with Na, so does... carboxylic acid... phenol?
the voltage sensitive sodium ion channels open,close, K ion channels open...and what happens during hyperpolarisation??
that's my worst nightmare for you.
nono not going to happen.

aiya whatever dinner calling

cheryl
20 dec 88
aspc
plmgs
tjc
nus

ASPC YM!
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photos!!!!

uni cell mind cafe runNUS clan outing tcc hongkong three hongkong two hongkong one vivo! ikea baking at jolene's mark's bday party candice's bday party church camp 07 sam & shawn's bday choy's birthday jeri jiadi eyin may bdays jasmine's bday april 07 PL,YAcell dinner march 2007 sam+bettys bday steamboat+scg 29 sam's 21st,cell steamboat uyh's birthday christmas06 HG dinner MY BIRTHDAY grad night ym camp nov 06 dimsum,baking farewell concert

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