Friday, September 29, 2006
my results are shittyyy. i hope it picks up from here for real. i haven't been doing much the past few days cept reading the newspaper and it's so hard to clear the backlog i can just fall asleep reading. it sucks doing something you don't really want to do but have to (because GP requires so). my grades have improved from worst to slightly better than worst, so, for that i don't know if i should rejoice or be :( whats a 10 mark improvement when my final mark is still below 50. ok in JC getting 50 is a big thing already, asides from those freaks who get 80 for every single subject. yes it is pressurising when you're surrounded by ABCs when all i can manage is a OED (wow thank God i don't have an F i hope i don't land an F for bio because the sections we've got back so far aren't promising at all. to think i've liked bio for a few years already i now take that back and renounce all positive things i've said about bio IT'S NOT TRUE)
ok i'm in the bottom of the cohort i'm one of the students TJ would wish she never had because i'm pulling your avg down hohoho. ok people, you have people like me to thank for pulling the normal distribution/bell curve more to the left. this was the worst decision i've ever made in my life, ie. coming to JC. i'm probably decreasing my lifespan by years by exposing myself to all these stress and pressure. and it doesnt help that i have to face the tutors who invest time into remedials and i can only go so far. i will go further i promise. i'm really trying not to have too negative an attitude. ok cheryl think positive... +++++++++++++
i'm doing alot of psyching these days. first i have to psyche myself into not falling into madness/depression over my stinking results. then i have to psyche myself into not snacking/eating unneccessarily. speaking of which i just went to the gym today and went jogging on tuesday aft sch this is the start of our great mission! it takes me a great deal of effort to exercise and cut cutcut the food (especially after the prelims period where my life was pretty much sedentary and walking=exercise) but so far its been quite alright i'm starting to think that i can do both at once. i've always thought studying hard and getting into shape can never go hand in hand. now i know it just takes a little more determination and TADAHHH.
my parents are really encouraging they really do look on the bright side and tell me , hey you've improved. but at the same time it translates into a tinge of guilt in me it makes me feel even worse because i know i'm capable of much better and they know that but i'm still stuck here in this horrible rut of mine i don't know why. and they tell me that passing A levels is good enough but here i am motivating myself with TRIPLE A (yes eyin, AAA vandalised on the canteen pillar) reach for the moon even if you miss you'll land among the stars. lets hope my stars are no worse than B. Cs are really ugly on the certificate. i still think this is the most trying period of my life i've never felt that stupid before in PL. i say we were really sheltered and maybe the atmosphere there was more lively and most of the time you didn't have to pit yourself against the cream of the crop (this makes me think of cream corn for some odd reason)
ok i shouldn't be talking so much and i should be studying.i suspect i have chronic fatigue syndrome. maybe a slight one. hurhurhuhr ok sleep is good. what i need now is tremendous amounts of motivation.
